Dear me.
Feel so fail everytime i do something. its always guilt , guilt and guilt again.
every step i made i make a person unhappy every time i do something i make myself unhappy too. life is getting worse as i grow older. how i wish i can turn back to that 'kidish' me.
so i can avoid questions , the answer my mind and heart is about to tell me and also the life in this complicated world.

when i was a kid i used to think how great will it be to grow old, to be free and how life will be with a boyfriend. fairy tales ain't real. but who do not ever believed in it ? . even i do.
even my 6years old cousin does. you just have to accept the fact that life ain't as simple as you think . you just have to make the right decision. and maybe you really need to visit a psychologist and ask him/her : can you check my heart and mind? . why do you always like to rush into something. why do you always give hope and drop the person so suddenly. the commitment. the promises. the time . and the things i will lose . i am not ready and i am afraid i will never be ready . am i a devil or angel. i destroyed everything. i wish i will learn to think more the next time. everytime i try to open up you refuse. i wonder seriously what's wrong with you.

i know the feeling. that odd feeling that killed many of us. sometimes curiosity kills.
sometimes relationships between people should not be so complicated . sometimes being naive, idiot , stupid , retarded or innocent is much more better in life. if only i had my life planned out smoothly. maybe life would have been better if i did not meet you. i still feel guilty. great job girl you screwed yourself. no maybe not you. its just a pure me problem. why is this problem dawning on me? . just like any other girl. i just want the same. just a bit higher expectations than average.

maybe i really need to sit and talk .

what should i do?